dreams of flashing lights

women measure men 
by their salary
before the charade is there
what is it you want from me?
longing for a girl that wants it for free
dudes get cash for girls because they're not funny
overcompensation seeing as they're not pretty
pretty funny for ma honey he's heavy already
looking better looking good,
outlook looks like it fucking should
only word i don't know is could as Sean is, i mean
I am both those two
if you didn't know deep too
too bad if that gets lost on you
i truly am that dude
hollow women filled up on shoes
I'm telling truth telling you I'm telling dudes
don't go tail those who say their good
just run straight in first place like sonic would

no ones worth their fame, so lame

In real life they're never the same

got no brain but always seem to give it hard to believe it.

whereas i strive to be the greatest, no one can attest

who acts hard boom by ay a bullet proof vest

can't hurt what lives in others hearts and heads
I've been tired now in the fold

I'm on the rooftops shout and remind

I'll sell what can't be sold

got a story that if not paid, cannot be told

doing this for years and it's still not old

why do you think i am who i am?
walking in the concrete promise land

money has never defined so it always helps

wealth is fine i only want enough

though to many that can be seen as too much, 

i want nandos for breakfast

brunch, lunch and supper

and if i get bored of london

I'll fly to an early summer

spend it with a bonafide stunner

they're getting wiley aiming

at the road runner i just

throw the dagger scream cowabunga

like michaelangelo watch me go

as your life moves in slow motion

but it's always at the wrong moments

waiting for the bus. you're in the rain

I'm first class, on a whole other plane, no worries

i feel your pain, friday fight night was on the 29

free bus sometimes could cost a life

got me running london better than boris

not hard better suited as a florist

only ever being honest, real talk

no holograms or peg legs I'm all man

understand the best has come

so who's got to step it up now? everyone

IIIII write from the skies strike thunderous flashing lights liker miker-raphone killer said im the greatest more power than the thriller in manilla gotta figure they're all dead before i pull the trigger bouncing off walls baby call me tigger more winner than sinner begin her for dinner quiver never would have happened if i chose to be a singer now let me linger. 

it's like I've got a gold finger, i guess

every girl i touch acts like they're blessed

so imagine their face after i cum on their chest

that's the point of what im trying to say

i've always got the girls never had to pay

I get casual when bagging lovely women

pick up pull them even in running trainers and double denim

think you could get a girl in asics? as if

run around run around run around town

do it all day just google map london that's where my face'll be found

from comedy to poetry from kentish to hackeny

if you don't know you know of.

and if you're not jealous then you do have love

and i got it too that's why i do this i do this for you.

hear my speech watch my words it has to be true

hall and oates, private eyes, some put that charade up

living private lives

i define both middle and working class

i don't know which way to strive.

Perform every night.
Before going on stage I look at my hands
They do not shake.
Many reign in what they wont give back,
I do not take.
To conform to conversations is the norm,
Though I am not fake
The pressure can get too heavy for many
I will not break
Will not slow down
I will not brake
i say this because i do this
For us.
In the hope that neither will you
and god forbid you do
I always have on me some glue and sticky paper
No matter what we'll get through, get better,
happier and back together
as those that took, shook or hid, live
in a false sense of security, foundations: sloppy
We will not quake
The bones wont break
our muscles wont ache
the sounds wont grate
no matter whats at stake.
and if they do, and they will
we will have learnt, how to feel
when you know what's not
you know what's real
you know what's what?
this talk. It's real.

Larry Sanders.

Heart. part one

My heart had enough
Evolved, got tough
grew fists and punched
my chest thumped
every time a mean girl
and i were going to fuck
my heart grew up
evolved, grew legs
and ran out
had fun, stood out
evolved and made a mouth
to shout to all what I was about
my heart felt pride
evolved, grew eyes
saw what i had become
and cried.
I took this as an insult
and ripped off his limbs
proceeding to stick him back in
only problem was, next week it'd happen
and endless weeks after happen again
in search for this cycle to end
a new approach was taken
and i talked to my heart as a friend
I asked "where do we begin? what is it you see?"
my heart, the smart arse, sighed, rolled his eyes
offered his palm and said "follow me"

see where I'm going with this?

Perform every night.
Before going on stage I look at my hands
They do not shake.
Many reign in what they wont give back,
a lot of help to get on the right track
I do not take.
To conform to conversations is the norm,
many wear a mask with a smile
Though I am not fake
The pressure can get too heavy for many
a burden, a load when family goes
I will not break
Will not slow down
I will not brake
i say this because i do this
For us.
In the hope that neither will you
and god forbid you do
I always have on me some glue and sticky paper
No matter what we'll get through, get better,
happier and back together
as those that took, shook or hid, live
in a false sense of security, foundations: sloppy
We will not quake
The bones wont break
our muscles wont ache
the sounds wont grate
no matter whats at stake.
and if they do, and they will
we will have learnt, how to feel
when you know what's not
you know what's real
you know what's what?
this talk. It's real.

candy man candy man spit me a dream

Life has been getting in the way of video games recently. My usual indulgences are beginning to feel slightly like a waste of time- there was a picture of carnage the size of a skyscraper fighting the new avengers and it did NOTHING for me! It's not even for my usual, no, former problems. Heartbreak is so far away now i can look back and laugh, properly talk to the thunderbolt without the wanting to cry "don't you see! don't you see!" and doing something crazy, like, something crazy. Which is nice. In small doses. Who wants to see such amazing talent being wasted and degraded like that? Something will be done if i have anything to do with it, just a shame that I'll probably be the only one that does anything.

that's a problem though. A lot of writers only WANT two dimensions. Anything more than a posh person or chav makes them reconsider: "sure we see that it's great, but will the audience?".
no credit goes to you guys. I swear.

now, back to something completely the same.
Some say (joe budden says) to get your mind of an old girl you should get with a new one. I went about all this the wrong way by sleeping with countless women on the spin, half-wanting to fall in love with them and another half-wanting to kick them out of bed just for, not being her. It's not nice but that's what happened. And it's already come back to bite (that's right people, AIDS) and if i don't man-up soon im going to lose one of the few (just kidding about the AIDS) girls i would genuinely like to spend more time with. IF i do. Some people are in relationships just to BE in one. to have another thing to talk about, or because it was forced. I hate that. and i've felt and seen real love, I'm not going to commit to anyone who i don't feel that way towards. i mean, doing that just seems like a waste of time. So no more sleeping around but no relationships.....

lets see how long this'll last.

anyway, there's bigger shit to worry about!!!
Death came and stared me down to the point everything got a little awkward. And you see the downward spiral thats been taken throughout the years reminding on how you've done nothing to help or, have, but not enough.

It was hard, family was involved, but it's over and we must move forward. The bad times are just like the good, they pass- I guess we should just embrace each one and, hope for the best? that's so fucking shitty I don't even want to write this.

grumble.

hay hay haaay

My success is determined through how hard i work. on everything. i put time into being a comedian and started doing well for myself, then told people how great it all was and weirdly cancelled out the work. I'm not good enough to  talk and work at the same time. I should have learned this back at school when i'd joke with antoine during french, he'd be laughing AND working while, well, looking back i guess i was working towards where i am now. a joke maker. heh. Quite simply greatness can come but it must then be maintained. On the constant. Don't act like a big deal, be one.

I don't think there will ever be a point where i can be seamless, able to joke then just hit the stage, there has to be a few hours so i can configure a decent act as being able to just be on stage and 'be funny' isn't as funny as putting in the actual work. nothing comes from nothing- man, no matter how talented you're told you are. The comedy club scene is tough, especially when you go out every night to an audience of mainly swedish tourists- following an accountant doing five minutes of cringe-inducing pedophilia joke- here i am with real london material. i think. no way am i jerry or pryor or izzard or chappelle or, as much as i hate to say it, even gervais good. You realise how tough it can be. Especially when you're starting from the bottom. Last night was my first ever booked gig. Where, they wanted me. to perform. because, they thought i was good!! Great! only problem is i sparred in a bout, and not just that i drunkenly sparred. I was so nervous. and i got a few laughs but it was all really loose, i was just another comedian. another mediocre comedian. I even went over as well- eight minutes! so loose, i just walked off gema (the wonderful compare who booked me) had to show her face to me. That's really unprofessional people. urrrgh sons of fucking bitches. that's the beauty of it all though- it was all my fault. And the only person to make things better is me. No bob hope going on here, folks. But hey, there will be other gigs and the other comedians i met where cool as well- all of them pro's, so there is a slight light at the end of this rather shit-filled tunnel. Don't get me wrong. These are high-class problems. I'm living a dream...

but just like all dreams nothing is quite as right as it all seems...

(lds;ahigoqrkl;adhsfgnviow[aklsdfjnvaos=difh[venrdisaoghklvadinoxhklv[aenodis[lknv)

evolution.