hay hay haaay

My success is determined through how hard i work. on everything. i put time into being a comedian and started doing well for myself, then told people how great it all was and weirdly cancelled out the work. I'm not good enough to  talk and work at the same time. I should have learned this back at school when i'd joke with antoine during french, he'd be laughing AND working while, well, looking back i guess i was working towards where i am now. a joke maker. heh. Quite simply greatness can come but it must then be maintained. On the constant. Don't act like a big deal, be one.

I don't think there will ever be a point where i can be seamless, able to joke then just hit the stage, there has to be a few hours so i can configure a decent act as being able to just be on stage and 'be funny' isn't as funny as putting in the actual work. nothing comes from nothing- man, no matter how talented you're told you are. The comedy club scene is tough, especially when you go out every night to an audience of mainly swedish tourists- following an accountant doing five minutes of cringe-inducing pedophilia joke- here i am with real london material. i think. no way am i jerry or pryor or izzard or chappelle or, as much as i hate to say it, even gervais good. You realise how tough it can be. Especially when you're starting from the bottom. Last night was my first ever booked gig. Where, they wanted me. to perform. because, they thought i was good!! Great! only problem is i sparred in a bout, and not just that i drunkenly sparred. I was so nervous. and i got a few laughs but it was all really loose, i was just another comedian. another mediocre comedian. I even went over as well- eight minutes! so loose, i just walked off gema (the wonderful compare who booked me) had to show her face to me. That's really unprofessional people. urrrgh sons of fucking bitches. that's the beauty of it all though- it was all my fault. And the only person to make things better is me. No bob hope going on here, folks. But hey, there will be other gigs and the other comedians i met where cool as well- all of them pro's, so there is a slight light at the end of this rather shit-filled tunnel. Don't get me wrong. These are high-class problems. I'm living a dream...

but just like all dreams nothing is quite as right as it all seems...

(lds;ahigoqrkl;adhsfgnviow[aklsdfjnvaos=difh[venrdisaoghklvadinoxhklv[aenodis[lknv)